48 hours till D-day

As you can see, I haven't posted to this blog since last October when I was towards the beginning of 2nd year, and many, many, months away from taking the boards.

Today, I am 48 hours till d-day. Time sure did go by fast. I would like to say that I spent second year working harder than I ever have but I would be lying...

It was tough but I enjoyed myself as well - went to several conferences, became pretty political, and basically reveled in the fact that I was no longer a newbie but at the same time existing without the responsibilities of third year. Nice. But all good things must come to an end, and about five weeks ago I started studying for Step I hoping to god that I could redeem myself for slacking off so much. So we'll see about that.

I will start third year towards the end of July, with pediatrics. I can deal with that. Unfortunately I have to do surgery after that which as you may know, is not exactly my cup of tea. But I think the worst thing about third year is the fact that my time is no longer my own. I can't decide not to go to class and sleep in, and I can't decide to "just disappear" for weeks at a time. And for that matter, I actually have to show up on time or else. Ugghhh.

So I will take the boards on friday and hope for the best. I'm about as freaked out right now as I've ever been about anything....ever.

And I thought first year was hard...

How could I possibly begin to describe the last four months? Succinctly, I hope, as I don't really have all night to finish this post. So...lets see..

Summer: Good. Did the Summer Institute for Medical Students at the Betty Ford Center. Incredible and inspiring experience. It's important every once in a while to reaffirm the things the drew you to medicine in the first place. After my internship I spend some quality time with my best bud in San Diego- you know, the beach, gaslamp quarter, shopping, waterfront dining etc. How totally wonderful to be back in San Diego after a whole year! After that my fiance and I meet in San Francisco to see his dad in a play (The Imaginary Invalid by Moliere-totally awesome). A few days after I leave San Diego, and after spending hours helping my friend rewrite her personal statement, I find out that she got into Tufts School of Medicine off the wait list! I am so ridiculously excited that my best friend in the whole world is coming to the east coast, and immediately make plans to attend her white coat ceremony in Boston. At the ceremony, when the Tufts class of 2011 stands up to take their hippocratic oath, other physicians in the audience are invited to reaffirm theirs as well. A lightbulb flashes in my head when I realize that that means me too, and how proud I am to be counted among those in this profession. I stand up and recite my oath for the second time; In one year I have changed so much, learned so much, and feel so blessed to be standing where I am at that moment.

July 30th: 2nd year begins and I quickly find out that there is not going to be an "easing in" period. Things start out fast and don't let up. I realize that I was actually supposed to remember all the clinical skills I learned last year when, during the second week, there is a "surprise" examination consisting of a complete history and physical on a standardized patient. There are more workshops than ever: advanced interviewing, heart sounds, ophthalmologic, "careers in medicine", resulting in virtually no free afternoons. I start my clinical rotation for the year in family medicine, finding out that there is more to life than otitis media and URI's (I did pediatrics last year). I manage to keep my head on straight and ace pharmacology and pathogenesis. Then microbiology comes and I quickly lose ground. Try as I might, I could not manage to memorize five bazillion bacteria, viruses, parasites, and fungi, along with all of the therapeutic drugs, and keep it in my head all at the same time. I barely survived. To make things even more complicated, I have found myself as the E.R. Shadowing Coordinator, President of the Psych Society, and the chapter delegate to the AMA. Don't get me wrong, I love extracurriculars, but at this point any time I had for myself is virtually nil. I can't even manage to get a haircut. And here is the worst part: I have to take the Step I boards next summer, meaning that I start reviewing...um...now. I buy a used set of board review books off someone in the class of '09. I flip through them and wonder how on earth I will ever put all of this information in my head. I am experiencing severe test anxiety ten months before the test. In a self-perpetuating cycle, my anxiety leads to lack of focus, major mood swings, erratic studying patterns, and falling asleep in class, which of course, begets more anxiety.

Perhaps I exaggerate slightly, but damn, this sucks. However, I don't suppose that I would wish myself anywhere else right now. It's still worth it. Despite the longer hours, I think that second year is, at the very least, more interesting. We are on an organ based system now, learning disease concepts and pathophysiology rather than just the basic science. We just started hematology/oncology, which I really should get back to studying...

I definitely feel like more of a student-doctor, more so than just a student. I've gotten to the point that I can examine my fiance when he gets sick, pronouncing that he has lower left lobar crackling and diffuse petechiae in the oropharynx. That's gotta mean something.