Flowers sometimes grow in the strangest places

Hello.

Man, am I tired. My last histology exam is in a few hours and I have crammed and crammed...till I could cram no more. I can only hope it's enough. Life has been interesting the past few weeks. Just when I finally felt like I was getting the hang of this med school thing, life decided to bring forth yet another challenge. Probably the most difficult decision I made to date this year, I arranged to leave school for a little while to go home. Right after spring break, I found out that my mother had been hospitalized. It took me all of two days to realize that I needed, and that she needed, me to be there. I couldn't find one person at school, students nor faculty, that said I should stay either. The overlying principle was simple: family always comes first. After I arranged for my leave, I took the first flight out to Arizona and the rest is history. The last couple weeks were more stressful than med school could ever be, being that the situation was so deeply personal. I also worked harder during this time period than I usually do in med school. The hospital was about eighty miles away from my sorry little rural hometown, and my stepdad, grandmother, and I, drove there every single day to see her. All day I would do the things my mom usually does around the house (including taking care of what I would call a miniature zoo), cook meals, run errands, and try to keep up with my studies. Every evening was spent traveling, visiting, and traveling again. What a routine....and how mentally and physically exhausting. The good news is that my mom is doing much better. She was discharged from the hospital after about two and a half weeks, and I flew home a couple days after that. I wasn't ready to go, but I had already missed too much school. Any longer and I might have jeopardized getting promoted. sigh.

I have my histo exam today, and my last physiology and immunology exams on Friday. I've pretty much missed the entire immunology course, so I don't yet know how I'm going to pull that off. The exams that I missed, the fourth physiology and first immunology, along with the second clinical skills exam, will be made up later. Yes, I get to stay in school now and make up exams after everyone else is done for the summer. sigh.

It was worth it though. A decision I will not regret. Things that you choose to do, or not to do, for your family are decisions that maybe you can make only once. When the moment is gone, it's gone. Make a decision against your heart, against your instinct, and it's possible that you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life. That's why it is so critically important to keep things in perspective. I believe that family always, always, comes first. I know that there are some schools of thought out there, and some med schools for that matter, that would decidedly disagree with me. I can only express my gratitude that I am not in that kind of place. I have decided that I love my school, and that I love my class. The support, the flexibility, the many offers of academic help, and the prayers that went out for my family, touched my heart deeply and gave me strength. What I've learned: Even out of sad and unfortunate events, there is joy to be had and wisdom to be gained. I learned something valuable about my school and, perhaps for the first time ever, I learned the true meaning of having really good friends. I also learned a lot about myself, who I am becoming as I mature, and most importantly, I learned that something a hell of a lot stronger than superglue holds my family together.

A long time ago (okay only last summer but it seems like a long time ago), I made a decision based on a gut instinct. The decision to attend the school where I now reside. If you've been following my blog for that long, you know that I went through some serious anguish and misery making that decision. How much simpler it would have been if I had just went with my gut and not lamented over the technicalities of it all. My feeling, or instinct, stemmed not from a ranking, or a curriculum, state-of-the-art laboratories or any of those things that seem so trivial now, but from an impression I had of the people. I had a feeling that they would be there when I needed them. The reality of things is that bad stuff can and will happen, and you never know when. The majority of med students I have spoken with have had to leave school at one time or another for serious family or personal reasons. If and when that time comes, I think you would want to know that you are surrounded by understanding and support. It makes it a lot easier at any rate, to make the right decision and feel good about it.

These last six weeks of MS-1 are going to be utter hell for me. I don't know how I'm going to get any sleep whatsoever. What once looked like the home stretch is suddenly filled with tortuous loops and hairpin turns, but I suppose I'll get through it somehow. I always do.

One piece of great news: I got a full scholarship to the Summer Institute at the Betty Ford Center. Soooooo awesome.

Will try not to leave you hanging for too long. Despite my very acute lack of time, I find writing in this blog very calming. Till next time.